Tag: depression

Categories
life

OCD: a toxic disorder

OCD: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Whose fault is this? Why it occurs? How it captures the mind? And many more questions.

Does anybody anyone question about it?

Ya it’s not a Cancer but it’s not less than that. OCD comes silently. Very silently. Shhhhh….. Pin drop silence inside the mind. But outside, outside; Chaos of every kind. Suffering of every kind. Tension of every kind. Failure, failure; in studies, in communication, in self presentation, in exploring yourself, exploring life, failure in love life, failure in looking good, failure in curricular activities. Disappointment of self, disappointment of parents. Harsh words just play in repeat mode inside the mind.

Earthquake, tsunami, low pressure, high pressure, tornado ; every kind of hazardous things just taken place inside your mind. The whirlwind of intrusive thoughts never let you be calm. The magma of obsessive thought drowns you deeper. You only get suffocated. Every ounce of your heart get choked. With every beat of heart you crave for peace. And peace just play different kinds of game with you to come you. Like a druggist searches for drugs. You search for peace. You search for sleep. But sleep, sleep slaps on your face and bid farewell to you.

Somehow if you get sleep the venomous dreams won’t let you sleep peacefully. If you want to read good books, the poisonous thought toxicate everything. Cyclone super cyclone of thoughts shake you terrible.

You shiver…

You quiver…

You yell

Loud…..

Louder…..

For someone come and save you.

Something inside you killing you badly. Something inside you stabbing you badly. But you’re unable to find out. You’re unable to find out the reason behind reasons. The question among questions. Again confusion. What is the question? What is the answer? And why is the question?

After asking enormous questions to self , after getting lots of answers yet you don’t get the answer. You just suffer

Just suffer

Just suffer

But the puzzled mind never stops thinking. We can say in a different way, thoughts never let mind to be stopped.

(It’s just a kind request to everyone, whenever you see anyone with OCD, just pat him/her and say them; It’s just a disease. And lend them a hand to stand up and move on.)

Categories
Uncategorized

Be your own rainbow🌈

As long as I think someone will come and grab me from the clutches of all the negativities, of the darkness… A scenario of avoidance popped up on my mind. And suddenly I started panicking, I started trembling; trembling with fears. I started sweating, started murmuring. Such moments are no more than a battle; a battle with myself.
In such period no one get a certain knowledge about my conditions my behaviors at all.

Then I decided, I have to choose me, I have to be choosy. And it’s okay to be little selfish for your own happiness. It’s okay to be crazy like hell. It’s okay to be little childish. It’s okay to do your heart. Then a certain little cute smile drawn on my lips.

And I got my rainbow after the storm.

Ya, these days such things are so normal for me. But still I fear. Still I believe that I can overcome. I can chase the rainbow and preserve it in my life forever and ever.

Yeah I can.
#selflove

Categories
motivation

⭐

yes, I am broken

shattered

scattered

.

.

but with broken wings

and choked fellow

feelings

I’m learning to find

peace in pieces

happiness in moments

bliss in solitary

tranquility in chaos

life in every heartbeats

I’m learning to start

again

to live again…… 

Categories
letters life life tales

Directionless Traveler

I don’t know where i am? In the mid way of life, I am confused I am lost. I lost my identity,my reasons, to explain myself. slowly slowly might be I’m forgetting my values my virtues. Without values without virtues, what is the definition of human life?

Loving someone hard wouldn’t cost it. Cause Love teaches how to live. It teaches how to be alive in the short term life. In fact it is the mantra of life. But, how the mantra get toxic to me?

Like this there are lots of questions in front of me. How I got puzzled in the web of feelings? Where I didn’t want, need any relationships, how could get so trapped in the web of feelings? Is it wrong to feel ? or I choose a wrong one for me? or expecting something in return is my mistake?

In the dark web of such questions I am getting puzzled day by day. I am trying hard to get me. But I’m failing day by day. where and there I’m the culprit of myself as well as of my heart and brain. They always fight with themselves for a person who has no idea about the suffer. for whom they are just the combination of flesh, bone and blood.

False imaginations, intrusive thoughts, blasphemy now killing me everyday. Where I used to be a free bird, now I am the cage for myself. I scold myself, I hate myself, even I beat myself. Where I was so proud of my feelings, now I am ashamed of me. Every time I thought what is the reason behind it? That person or me? To make myself guilt-free,to console me I make that person responsible . But is that person really responsible for it? or my own unwanted expectations?

Where and there loving someone unexpectedly, I expected that one in my life for forever. I imagined him in every sour and sweet moments. Without his permission I made him partner of life and mate of soul. I get used to tell everything about every certain uncertain things of my life. In true words, slowly slowly i get addicted to that one. And dude, “addiction is always harmful”. That’s why I suffered and still suffering. I’m yelling for imagining bad. I’m screaming with blasphemous thoughts. I’m cursing myself everyday. I’m accusing that one as well as myself for that situation. In this journey of loving someone now I’m so far from myself.

I know I’m the culprit of my self-respect, of my self-esteem. Yet I make another one responsible for it to make the load of heart and mind light. Might be i’m wrong. But feeling for someone isn’t. I know expectation is wrong but Love is not.

Without hopes without conditions what will be the definition of something? Then I got something “A journey which has no destination, is destination for itself”.Some journey’s have no destination, still they continues with ups and downs, ifs and buts.

May be I’m the directionless traveler of that destined journey. Still hoping for a happy journey with happy destination.

Categories
poetry

Cave of night🌃

From far: Peaceful, so calm, so quite… 

From near: Fear, frustration, dreadful dim light..

For some: A solitude filled with bliss , So far from everyday hiss

For some: Devil’s well; where to live, You have to die again and again

For whom: A warm hug, Two glass Champaign, And a beautiful 2 am talk

For whom: Aloneness, anxiety, an extra Sleepless night , and Walk in room like a ghost. 

Categories
letters

A letter to the one who has no one to listen….

To the one who has no one to listen;

Sometimes, you have lots of stuffs to say. That time you not only get puzzled with such unsaid but also it eats you on daily basis. That time all you need someone listen to you. It’s seriously so pity when you don’t get anyone to hear you out.

I know how it hurts when you have lots of stuff so to say, but there’s no one to even listen, understand is far enough. You seriously need someone who will listen you and tell you that you’re not alone. You’re not the only one who just stay happy that no one have any idea about your cringe nightmare and loose points. With the confused mind and confused heart you just get messed up day by day. Don’t worry it’s just normal confusion like choosing between a bad person with handsome/beautiful face and good person with average look.

Just say yourself, it’s your break time and remember one thing, it’s okay to being alone. If there’s no one to understand you, there’s also no one to misunderstand you. Being alone can be the best and worst at same time. It’s okay, if you are diplomatic. Take your time. Understand yourself. But don’t forget to ask for help when you need when you want.

In this phase we all are same. We all seek attention. But fails to express, hesitate to explain. We are all in the clutch of such negativity. But it’s upto us, what we choose. There will be someone near you; just like you. Just go, search and exchange thoughts. This time we all worthy of it.

From
Someone so like you

Categories
motivation Uncategorized

Life is fun . Right…. 😉

If life is one time opportunity, then why should we waste it with illusions and delusions.

What I feel this time is, we fear that’s why we’re looser. We fear the unsaid, we fear the future, we fear the dark world of our imagination, in fact we fear ourselves. Cause we don’t try to listen our hearts, we just obey the wish of our hearts’: desire. And bro there’s a huge difference between those two things.

We think, fulfilling our desire is right. But in this journey we forget to listen the voice of heart which one is conscience. And with the journey of desire we just go that far away, we couldn’t listen the voice of heart. That’s why when we fail to satisfy our desire, we fear. We fear to loose the hope of being happy; being alive. We die thousand time in thought of it. The pain of not fulfilling our desire makes us that deaf, we couldn’t listen the soothing words of heart. That’s why we run from ourselves. Fun fact is that to serve our desire we run from ourselves. Isn’t it hilarious? Think about it.

I think the reason is, we see others, we observe others. And atlast we get obsessed with their lifestyle and desired to be like them . By observing them we just want to be like them. We forget that we can be happier with our stuffs. As individuals are different, point of views are different, their needs should be. Right…..??

With the desire of being happy like other’s, we fail to be like ourselves; being happy is faraway. We fail to be only one. We just behave like a puppet of desires instead of dancing in own rhythms. That’s why suffer.

The day I understand that, I forget. I forget to worry. I forget to panic. I forget to desire.

That doesn’t mean, I don’t wish, I don’t dream.

I wish. I dream.

I dream to live my opportunity, with my own terms and conditions.

In fact now I’m trying to fly ; to break the cage of “how” & “why”.

And

One day, I will.

After all life is fun.

Then why should I loose it.

Right..?? 😀😉

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