Someday someone will come and hold you without holding you. Someone will enjoy the fluttering of butterflies the way you enjoyed before. He will crave for your presence. Will crave for your little smile. A normal line of tension on your face make him so tensed. Will enjoy your immature behavior. Mark the way you talk, the way you drive. Will feel nervous to have convo with you. But when that happen he will be the super happier. Will take care of your nervousness too.
Your smiles have impact on him, your tears also. In fact your giggles and sobs too. He will take care of your little to little necessities also worthless demands too. Someday someone will wish you in his life. Someday you’ll be someone’s prayer. Your good health will be 1st priority of someone except your mother. Except your family you Will be someone’s reason of life.
He will just come and hug your soul that comfortably, your sorrows, heart break, pains, ifs and buts, bunch of question marks will be melted down. He will introduce you to the hidden you inside you. He will teach you to love yourself again. Without your permission he will take you to the land free from fear negativities unnecessary thoughts. Without your permission he will be a part of your everything, every emotions. Your aches will be eradicated your fears too. Only bliss will be all around your, with someone for whom you’re a pure form of blessings.
Yes he will come unexpectedly as an answer of the most expected question of your life and settled down with your life till eternity.
On my 1st date, while I sat alone in the CCD, as my blind date get cancelled on the spot, I found something written on the table. I know it is offensive but those words are something like,”why life sometimes seems like burden?”. I don’t know, though I know it’s wrong, I wrote down,”cause, our needs are few. And our wants are many.”
Then I left the CCD with a pale face and pale Hopes.
As that CCD is my fav, I always used to go there to celebrate my victories and also to cry on my failures. That’s why I chose that one for my blind date. Cause where and there in my introvert Life that CCD is a medium to be extroverted. I am so used to that CCD, that’s cappuccino, that’s smoky smells and with that any kind of geopolitics book. Yeah where and there after being a little writer I have a big eagerness to know about the political world around me and my world. That’s why according to all I am different from other girls. Yeah ofcourse I am different. My genes are different. My physics is. My chemistry is. Though there are 7 faces alike in the world, yet I am different from my point of view, from my way of analysing things, from my way of judgement, from my choice of outlook, from my choice of guys, from my choice of personality. Yes I differ from other girls as where they choose make up,looks, I choose intellect, words and thoughts to be processed. I was happy with my aloneness,but where and there at some point, that aloneness started judging me too. So I tried blind date. But that one also judged me before dating me and I get dumped before. My bad luck.
Whatever…..
After that day, I came there another day. And the owner passed me a bill of some penalty money through receptionist as I wrote on the table. After all it was my fault. So I paid. The receptionist also delivered a letter with the penalty receipt. I took both of them and sat down on my sit by giving my usual order. And opened the letter. After reading this, I got that it was of that bench person. The Letter was, “then what should we do to make Life light?”. I replied,”Take interest in everything with less attached. I mean EXPECT less.” Then I delivered it to the receptionist and left the CCD.
Sometimes you get so upset with your life, that you failed to give attention to your atmosphere. And that was Happening with me those days. So I didn’t give attention to the penalty, to the receipt, to the letter and also forgot to ask the receptionist, about the letter.
Another day, I came to the CCD and sat on my fav window sit with regression for life. Cause I was bored with my situation, day-to-day same life, same lifestyle, same Boss, same colleagues, and yes same passions. That time I was needed some excitement in my life. Some newness. But I was so confused about what kind of excitement will change my life from frustrating one to entertaining one. At that very moment my eyes fell on the table, where something written down on the tissue.
Those were like, ” In the noise of life, I fear to be a noise. But I just wanted to be a symphony to be memorable for forever. So, for being someone’s favourite, does it need to change myself ? I mean if I don’t change myself, then what should be I am? A noise or a symphony ?”
I replied with another tissue,” if you try to change another one then you are noise. But if you are trying to accept the front person without changing them, then you’re the sweetest symphony an orchestra ever have .”
I left the tissue there. And CCD too.
But I realised I have left my clutch on the sit of the CCD. While I returned, I saw a person took the tissue and move ahead.
I was so astonished by this incident and followed him. But strangely he disappeared from my vision.
My excitement reached its pick.
I used to come to the CCD twice a week. But those times I came daily. And on daily basis I got letters like that and after giving answers I always get failed to get the person.
But through this an attachment get developed between two of us. With excitement it was thrilling too. Cause I don’t know who was he. How was he. But a basic idea was built in my mind that he was kind of me. Little introvert and little extrovert.
And that day on the reception, receptionist gave letter, ” does every flower bloom silently and falls away silently ?”
I got really really confused by this. And replied with a rose, “I don’t know about other flowers, but this rose needs it’s destination.”
After giving that I got comfortable on my window sit. With my fav order, I mean cappuccino my fav book “prisoners of geography” with a bucket of roses brought by someone with simple white shirt and blue jeans. All the staffs of the CCD and other customers were stood up with loads of excitement in their eyes.
It took a moment to understand me that this white shirt one is the letter man as well as the owner of the CCD with a common my type heart.
Fortunately that day was rose day; 1st day of valentine week. And with every increasing day my blind date got it’s true valentine for life.
I don’t know where i am? In the mid way of life, I am confused I am lost. I lost my identity,my reasons, to explain myself. slowly slowly might be I’m forgetting my values my virtues. Without values without virtues, what is the definition of human life?
Loving someone hard wouldn’t cost it. Cause Love teaches how to live. It teaches how to be alive in the short term life. In fact it is the mantra of life. But, how the mantra get toxic to me?
Like this there are lots of questions in front of me. How I got puzzled in the web of feelings? Where I didn’t want, need any relationships, how could get so trapped in the web of feelings? Is it wrong to feel ? or I choose a wrong one for me? or expecting something in return is my mistake?
In the dark web of such questions I am getting puzzled day by day. I am trying hard to get me. But I’m failing day by day. where and there I’m the culprit of myself as well as of my heart and brain. They always fight with themselves for a person who has no idea about the suffer. for whom they are just the combination of flesh, bone and blood.
False imaginations, intrusive thoughts, blasphemy now killing me everyday. Where I used to be a free bird, now I am the cage for myself. I scold myself, I hate myself, even I beat myself. Where I was so proud of my feelings, now I am ashamed of me. Every time I thought what is the reason behind it? That person or me? To make myself guilt-free,to console me I make that person responsible . But is that person really responsible for it? or my own unwanted expectations?
Where and there loving someone unexpectedly, I expected that one in my life for forever. I imagined him in every sour and sweet moments. Without his permission I made him partner of life and mate of soul. I get used to tell everything about every certain uncertain things of my life. In true words, slowly slowly i get addicted to that one. And dude, “addiction is always harmful”. That’s why I suffered and still suffering. I’m yelling for imagining bad. I’m screaming with blasphemous thoughts. I’m cursing myself everyday. I’m accusing that one as well as myself for that situation. In this journey of loving someone now I’m so far from myself.
I know I’m the culprit of my self-respect, of my self-esteem. Yet I make another one responsible for it to make the load of heart and mind light. Might be i’m wrong. But feeling for someone isn’t. I know expectation is wrong but Love is not.
Without hopes without conditions what will be the definition of something? Then I got something “A journey which has no destination, is destination for itself”.Some journey’s have no destination, still they continues with ups and downs, ifs and buts.
May be I’m the directionless traveler of that destined journey. Still hoping for a happy journey with happy destination.
When you’re in love, you find yourself in them . Little to little details about yourself you just try to search in front person. If you’re an old soul, you can truly relate with it.
But today’s dating culture is completely different. today’s lovebirds just puzzled between their ‘my stuffs’, instead of making each other ‘mine’.
But for old soul, love is just a deep feeling to get each-other after every bitter sour moments. It’s about such tiny stuffs when your liking turn into theirs & vice-versa. It’s when you both can lost into each-others eyes for hours. It’s love when you both spend times talking about goals and life without caring it’s day or night. eventually gaps between you both decreases with the increament of love, trust, feelings, rights. It’s when you not only read each others eyes, but also mind & try to understand each others mindset. It’s really beautiful when each-other understand each-other’s untold pain without a glimpse of word.
LOVE is rare to find. It’s not easy. May be some of you are lucky to have such person in life. But for rest of you, if you ever meet the person who has only one reason to ignore all your flaws & mistakes then never let them go. Happiness and peace aren’t about the things we can see, it’s all about what we feel. It’s right and physics also says that opposite attracts. But you know, when you start vibing with their tune, then yes, you’re in love man. Love is not only an emotion, It’s the journey from pointing out each other’s mistake privately and rectify it with the every forward step. May be in this journey one day you’ll get yourself in them. And that’s the definition of love.
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