Someday someone will come and hold you without holding you. Someone will enjoy the fluttering of butterflies the way you enjoyed before. He will crave for your presence. Will crave for your little smile. A normal line of tension on your face make him so tensed. Will enjoy your immature behavior. Mark the way you talk, the way you drive. Will feel nervous to have convo with you. But when that happen he will be the super happier. Will take care of your nervousness too.
Your smiles have impact on him, your tears also. In fact your giggles and sobs too. He will take care of your little to little necessities also worthless demands too. Someday someone will wish you in his life. Someday you’ll be someone’s prayer. Your good health will be 1st priority of someone except your mother. Except your family you Will be someone’s reason of life.
He will just come and hug your soul that comfortably, your sorrows, heart break, pains, ifs and buts, bunch of question marks will be melted down. He will introduce you to the hidden you inside you. He will teach you to love yourself again. Without your permission he will take you to the land free from fear negativities unnecessary thoughts. Without your permission he will be a part of your everything, every emotions. Your aches will be eradicated your fears too. Only bliss will be all around your, with someone for whom you’re a pure form of blessings.
Yes he will come unexpectedly as an answer of the most expected question of your life and settled down with your life till eternity.
It’s okay. It’s okay if someone is still in top of your priority list. Sometimes some people come and take a little part of your heart so silently and make it their permanent residence without any paperwork without your knowledge. And you have no other ways rather than feel the feelings.
With certain differences with lots of ifs and buts with little little fear your step get forward with such anonymous butterflies. You just want to fly. You just want to enjoy such feelings. But deep down you feared, feared so much. Still you just get tuned with the new musical vibes. You started enjoying lyrics and their meaning. Suddenly every love story seems like yours. Still you want a different touch in it. Ample amount of mini heart attacks when that someone passes you or by mistake encounters you, such tiny tiny unknowns feelings when by mistake looks get exchanged takes you to a unimaginable fairyland. Where without your knowledge, you just want to get lost in such world, but still fear is it right or not.
Then with lots of hopes, lots of courage, you just get yourself expressed in front of that one. Before you make yourself understand for any kind of answer. But when something despite your expectations come. Specially the silence, you just hang up between everything. Between your expectations, your heart attacks and heart aches your painful smiles and happy tears. You just lose your every ideas about certain aspects. You just hang up between moving forward in this direction or that. Suddenly it seems like your way is now seized and ended. Still you try. But back to back silence brakes you and breaks you.
Still you can’t get over the butterflies when you look at that one’s profile picture. Still you can’t listen bad about them, but it’s okay if you’re scolding. Still you get such unknown anonymous painful smiles and happy tears.
Darling it’s okay, sometimes such people come to make you realize that you can love so deeply so intensely so passionately. Don’t you think this time it’s needed to give such enormous love to yourself??
I don’t know where i am? In the mid way of life, I am confused I am lost. I lost my identity,my reasons, to explain myself. slowly slowly might be I’m forgetting my values my virtues. Without values without virtues, what is the definition of human life?
Loving someone hard wouldn’t cost it. Cause Love teaches how to live. It teaches how to be alive in the short term life. In fact it is the mantra of life. But, how the mantra get toxic to me?
Like this there are lots of questions in front of me. How I got puzzled in the web of feelings? Where I didn’t want, need any relationships, how could get so trapped in the web of feelings? Is it wrong to feel ? or I choose a wrong one for me? or expecting something in return is my mistake?
In the dark web of such questions I am getting puzzled day by day. I am trying hard to get me. But I’m failing day by day. where and there I’m the culprit of myself as well as of my heart and brain. They always fight with themselves for a person who has no idea about the suffer. for whom they are just the combination of flesh, bone and blood.
False imaginations, intrusive thoughts, blasphemy now killing me everyday. Where I used to be a free bird, now I am the cage for myself. I scold myself, I hate myself, even I beat myself. Where I was so proud of my feelings, now I am ashamed of me. Every time I thought what is the reason behind it? That person or me? To make myself guilt-free,to console me I make that person responsible . But is that person really responsible for it? or my own unwanted expectations?
Where and there loving someone unexpectedly, I expected that one in my life for forever. I imagined him in every sour and sweet moments. Without his permission I made him partner of life and mate of soul. I get used to tell everything about every certain uncertain things of my life. In true words, slowly slowly i get addicted to that one. And dude, “addiction is always harmful”. That’s why I suffered and still suffering. I’m yelling for imagining bad. I’m screaming with blasphemous thoughts. I’m cursing myself everyday. I’m accusing that one as well as myself for that situation. In this journey of loving someone now I’m so far from myself.
I know I’m the culprit of my self-respect, of my self-esteem. Yet I make another one responsible for it to make the load of heart and mind light. Might be i’m wrong. But feeling for someone isn’t. I know expectation is wrong but Love is not.
Without hopes without conditions what will be the definition of something? Then I got something “A journey which has no destination, is destination for itself”.Some journey’s have no destination, still they continues with ups and downs, ifs and buts.
May be I’m the directionless traveler of that destined journey. Still hoping for a happy journey with happy destination.
Ryan's blog 